Commenting on the recent spate of airbag activations Japanese safety industry expert Iweara Shirtanti said “We believe small groups of sexually frustrated middle-aged men are working together, often after leaving the dingy coin operated peep shows they are thought to attend, in order to ensure a premature expulsion of the baby soft airbag fabric”. Unconfirmed reports suggest the perpetrators are also getting some sort of ‘high’ from the talcum powder-like substance released at the time of deployment, after large quantities of human saliva was discovered on and around the targeted motorcycles.

Disgruntled victims are now calling for a complete redesign of the system. “Well it looks like a fat birds bum don’t it.” said Gullwing owner Mike Rotchitches, “Why don’t they make it, err, a bit less bum-like. Maybe cover it in, um, hair at the very least so it’s like, er, less appealing.”

Honda has yet to make an announcement relating to the rising trend of provoked airbag activations, however, a spokesman in a dirty brown mac, not employed by the company, said he would be personally conducting an in-depth investigation into the claims.