After months of preparations for the Korean Grand Prix, event organisers finally let slip the last minute VIP travel arrangements at the Yeongam circuit. 
Organisers reveal Korean GP transport
Ecclestone plans global takeover after Russian GP deal
Megalomaniac and part time chocolate factory worker Bernie Ecclestone has revealed Russia as the latest country to join the F1 calendar.
Not Bernie Ecclestone
A spokesperson not representing Ecclestone’s company, Formula One Management, gleefully made this statement.
“We’re really happy about our latest conquest deal. Formula One will be invading Russia in 2014 and we couldn’t be happier. We’ve finally achieved what the Germans couldn’t back in the Forties,” he cooed whilst wringing his hands together.
“Our next battle will definitely be in the US. We’re really excited about taking on America, and are eying up several locations including a glamorous waterfront race in Hawaii.”
Quangos call for car industry cuts
A bearded TWAT
White-bearded men with small circular bifocal glasses and underpaid civil servants were today left reeling at the news of the abolition of hundreds of pointless quangos as part of new government austerity measures.
Under the proposals up to twelve thousand semi-retired middle class men could be left without something to interfere in, and as many as three bored graduates could lose their hard fought Final Salary pensions in the cuts.
Despite slashes across the board, think tanks for the automotive sector remain largely untouched in today’s announcement.
“We’re really concerned about pollution in the car industry,” said a buffoon from Traffic Wardens Against Transport Solutions (TWATS).
“It’s all very well talking about lower CO2 and NOx levels but our real concern is all this hot air being pumped out by the dozens of transport quangos.”
A car industry spokesperson responded by saying, “We want these TWATS to shut up.”
Adopt a Jaguar appeal launched
Tata Motors has announced it is to adopt a radical new approach to refinancing its debts with the introduction of a new adoption scheme.
The ‘Adopt a Jaguar’ program will pair unwanted Jaguar cars from around the neglected West Midlands region with concerned people in the third world who may never experience the sound of the endangered Castle Bromwich Jaguar.
“The World Wildlife Fund is an ideal partner for the Jaguar brand as people throughout the world are aware of the hard work carried out in protecting endangered animals.” A company statement said.
“The Jaguar’s habitat is being destroyed at an alarming rate through the impact of new development in India, plant destruction in the UK and the increasing risk of sales erosion across the globe. More than 40 per cent of its native breeding area has already been eradicated, and the Jaguar is seriously under threat.”
A television appeal is already under way in sub-Saharan Africa, where the latest research suggests 97 percent of the population have never seen a Jaguar or a TV.
“A donation of just £3 a month will help to keep one classic Jaguar on the road for at least half a mile,” a spokesperson for the ‘Adopt a Jaguar’ appeal said. “Anyone generous enough to make a donation will receive a photo of their adopted Jaguar, a letter of thanks from its mechanic and one of those ‘new car smell’ air fresheners that whiff of damp shoe boxes.”
Tata, the Indian owners of Jaguar and Land Rover, hope to raise more than 47 billion rupees (about 65 quid) from the appeal.